do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
