Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
