I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
