You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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