You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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