Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm jealous of your bromance
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
