I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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