I'm eating all of the evidence.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
