I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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