When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
