I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
