he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
