Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
