Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
