I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize