It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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