Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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