You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
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