worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
