the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
