On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
