Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
