I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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