Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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