I looked at my own cervix.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
did i walk over a car last night?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
