Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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