U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
