I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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