we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
