Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
