No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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