Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
