Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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