I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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