Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
