): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Randomize
