also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
