I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
