EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
