you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
