I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
