he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
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I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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