You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
