Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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