When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
