i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
