Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
