dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
