Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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