Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
