My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
