Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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