Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
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I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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