Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
