Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
