then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
