an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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