Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
