is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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