Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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