he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
