god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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