Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
