you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
