I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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