it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
